Fumbling and Losing Ground...............

   Ok, so I fumbled and I lost some ground. Last week I gained 1.5 pounds. Not the worst thing by any means, but along with that fumble and weight gain, I feel my attitude slipping. I was feeling to good, so healthy, so energetic. But although I am back to eating healthy, I am just not getting that good, energetic, healthy positive feeling back. It is around this time in every go-round with my diet that I begin to doubt that I am even capable of losing weight. I know that weight loss slows down after 30 and at 37, I can completely feel that it is not as easy to lose weight as it once was,  but I also thought the heavier you are, the easier it is to shed weight when you begin to significantly cut back on your calorie intake. I begin to feel frustrated. I got on the scale this morning and I was up to 340.....How is that possible? When I weighed in over the weekend and had gone up 1.5 pounds, that put me at 334. I believe that weigh in was Saturday. Ok, so I ate bad that day and on Sunday, but bad enough to now have gained 6 pounds?

I think the most frustrating thing for me is, the weight, although may come off pretty quick the first week or two, I find that my 3rd week and more into a diet, things slow down significantly for me. I also find that the weight comes on a lot faster too. Like the 6 pounds it seems I have gained from Sunday to Wednesday because of what I ate Saturday and Sunday. I wasn't even that bad. I didn't binge, I just ate a little more than I normally would if I was adhering to a healthy eating plan, but certainly not enough to gain 6 pounds. When am I going to learn to stay off the damn scale anyway? I should only be getting on it once a week. Will I ever learn this lesson?

So, along my  journey, there have been many things I have been trying to learn how to overcome. I think I have found a lot of answers for myself on many things and have changed habits for the better, but the one area I am still struggling with is this; I spend a week or two eating really healthy, adding in some exercise, I see great results on the scale. I'm so on fire! I am so motivated, I feel like I could lecture anyone on how to lose weight and stay motivated. I am feeling so much hope for my future and can SEE myself as a thin person in the near future. I have a GREAT 3rd week, and I can't wait to get on that scale and see my results. I step on and...........OOOOOOHHHHHHH NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! How is this possible?

I look at the scale either I see that I have lost .25, or I stayed the same or......Gasp!!! I actually managed to gain a pound! I feel deflated, angry, defeated, hopeless! How do I go on?

How do I recover from that? I have a very big behavioral issue here.....I act out like a little kid who didn't get there way, stomping my feet saying, "This isn't fair!!!!!!" and then I do what any bad kid would do, I decide the only way to survive this is to rebel! I'm not going to waste my time doing this anymore, I am going to eat whatever I want! If I am going to gain weight anyway, I might as well do it enjoying something I like to eat!

Obviously, this is not a mature way to act and certainly not a good solution to this dilemma. But sometimes this is exactly what happens. There are times that I have pressed forward and over come the dreaded 3rd week and stay strong to my plan and have the same or similar results the next week. Leaving with this hopeless feeling of despair that makes me believe I am not capable of losing weight and I am going to be stuck like this the rest of my life with no hopes for a better life. So, I give up and go back to my old, foolish ways, gain back any thing I have lost plus some extra friends that have joined them. I go back to feeling bad, down, miserable, tired, unhealthy and lethargic, thinking there is no better way until one day I just can't stand it anymore, I become fearful of my health. forget about the bad feelings my past attempts have left me with and I am motivated to try again, promising myself it will be different this time! Then, the cycle begins all over again.

Well, how do I stop this from happening? This time I am going to try. I am in my 4th week of this current attempt and although I have had a few days of falling off the wagon, I am hanging on by a boot strap. I have not fallen off or given up yet. I am still working toward my weight loss goals, but I can certainly feel my grip becoming weak. But this time, I DO NOT want to hang off the side of the wagon, only to be dragged along in the dirt for 20 miles, before I no longer have the strength to hold on, eventually letting go and giving up.Only to arrive back to a life that I completely despise. There has to be some hope for me!


This time has to be different. I feel like I am so unhealthy I could die any minute and I certainly do not want that to happen. I have not given up yet, although I have slipped, but the this is the one area where I still need to find a solid solution to keep me motivated and on track regardless of what the scale is saying. I need to find another measure, in addition to the scale, that shows me that I am making progress. And as I write this, I know I have the answer, but I think I don't want to think about it, but I must. The answer is Curves. They don't focus on the scale as much as they focus on measurements. Last year when I was working so hard at curves, the scale only showed an 8 pound weight loss from November to January, but the tape measure showed me that I lost a total of 25" cumulative all over my body. So, that story told me that I was gaining muscle and toning up. I was losing fat, but I was also gaining muscle that was preventing me from seeing the exact results from a scale. I know that I have to get back to curves, but that is another struggle for another day!