I haven't written now in a couple of weeks, which is very bad because I need to write. I need to keep it in the forefront of my mind why I am doing this? I need to keep reminding myself why I need to and want to lose weight. I have so many great reasons and so much great motivation to keep me going. And I have been going great, but the last two weeks, I have begun to stall and that is bad.
I was so balanced. I was doing so good and feeling so great! I was eating right and enjoying everything that put into my mouth. I was allowing myself some treats that I enjoy and was able to do so without going overboard.
On the 20th of May, I left with some friends to ride our bikes down to Myrtle Beach for bike week. It was a great trip, but I reverted back to many of my old habits. I did not try to "watch what I was eating" for any meals. I used this trip as an EXCUSE to eat what I wanted when I wanted. I really didn't even try to make good choices, I don't know why. When I got back, surprisingly, I had lost 2 pounds from the week before.....Weird.
But the eating continued when I got home and it continued over Memorial day weekend. I kept saying, "It's memorial day weekend." I kept wanting to eat out. And when I got on the Scale Saturday morning, I had gained like 4 or 5 pounds! REALLT BAD!
BUT!!! I am not going to let that ruin me. I slipped, and all I have to do is pick myself up, dust the powered sugar from my shirt and start over without looking back at the train of wings, burgers, McDonalds, Donuts, Ice Cream, Chocolate, Pizza, and everything else that made it's way past my lips. I did it, it's over. Now, clean up and move on, and that is exactly what I am doing today, Tuesday May 31st!
I cooked my Turkey chili yesterday and I packed a healthy lunch. I have only gone to Curves 2 times since I rejoined and so I need to renew my commitment to my work out and to my healthy lifestyle. I need to remember why I so desperately need to and WANT to do this. I need to remember that it feels so much better to be eating healthy than eating crappy. I need to remember how bad I feel when I look at a picture of myself and how much I want that outer shell to dissolve so I can go back to being who I am and having that true self reflect on the outside for all to see!
I have to remember that when I went for my last series of blood tests, how lucky I was that everything was in normal range and how God has given me a second chance to get it right because next time I might not be so lucky!
I just need to keep going. I have lost weight and I can't allow myself to gain it all back. If I keep going and keep plugging, by this time next year, I could be 100 pounds thinner. That thought alone get's me so excited and motivates me to just keep going!
I need to make sure to blog, and for me, it's not about who is reading, although I love the thought of my blog helping others who are having the same struggles, but mostly for me, my blog is a way to release all my thoughts, Ideas, struggles and successes as a way to keep everything real. Sometimes when you hold things in, it's easy to pretend they aren't real. When I right, it makes it real. Seeing certain things in black and white makes it real for me and makes me want to be accountable for my actions!
Part of the reason I haven't been writing is because work has been so busy and hectic, I haven't made time to do it. And when I get home, I feel too tired and discouraged. It's no excuse, so that is why I am going to set 15-20 minutes aside each day to blog. There is never an excuse not to do something that is so important to you. If you say you don't have time, you simply are not trying hard enough and you are just looking for excuses to avoid doing what you know you should be. So, I am not going to make excuses, I am simply going to make sure that I MAKE time everyday to blog. That is it! end of story.
So, I am BACK and I will continue to be successful every step of the way. And we all sometimes stumble and fall, but what is most important is that we get up and keep on going. So, I stumbled, I feel, but now I have gotten up and I am running once again to the finish line! I may stumble again before I get there, and that is ok. As long as I get up and don't let myself stay down too long! It's all good! Life is GOOD!
I will leave you with a few quotes:
“The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping-stones is the way you use them” ~ Unknown
“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.” ~Mary Pickford
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Resetting my Focus!
I am still struggling to get back on track after vacation. I try to look within myself and figure out why I am struggling so much? I was so enjoying all the good food I was eating before vacation. I was eating so many yummy, healthy things and as a result, I was feeling so great. I had so much energy, I was so motivated, I was feeling more confident in myself and I was excited about seeing the results of my healthy eating each week reflected on the scale. I remember thinking to myself, "This is easy, why did I ever struggle in the past. It feels so much better to eat healthy than it does to consume lot's of crappy foods."
Yet, here I am, 5 days after returning home and I am craving bad foods and struggling to stick to my healthy eating. And you know what? I feel like crap!!! I feel lethargic and tired and bloated. I have not been sleeping well. So, why can't I get it back together.
Now, I do want to clarify that I am not completely off the wagon. I am not on a binge, so I am looking at that as an accomplishment and as progress. I didn't even binge when I was in Florida. At times, I may not have made the best choices when going out to eat or eating a little more candy than I should have at my Mom's house, but nothing I did resembled binging and never once was I eating out of emotion. All the eating I did was strictly out of celebration related to being on vacation and being with my family. And I feel that my 4 pounds weight gain after being on vacation for 7 days wasn't all that bad. So, I feel pretty successful about not binge eating or doing any emotional eating, which has been my biggest struggle.
Over the last 5 days since I have been home, I have been mostly back to a healthy eating plan. But each day I have had small "slip ups", moments of weakness and I am trying to identify where those "moments" are stemming from.
For instance, on Monday, I ate a great breakfast, packed a super healthy lunch, but ate some chocolate that a co-worker keeps on her desk. I was struggling all day because I really wanted to go get Jimmy johns for lunch, but I resisted. But I was craving a hero so bad, I did end up stopping for one on the way home for dinner. So, I did it, I tried to move on. Then yesterday, the vending machine, which I never pay any attention to and haven't in the 2 years I work here, all of a sudden called out to me and I found myself, after eating once again a good breakfast and good lunch, selecting a cinnamon roll AND a small bag of vanilla creme cookies from the machine. I ate them, but felt disgusted about it the whole time. I didn't feel like I was eating out of emotion, but I did feel that I was eating out of addiction. Maybe sugar addiction from the candy I at near the end of my vacation week. It really does get into your blood, but I have to be strong and resist it so I can detox from the sugar.
Then last night for dinner, we had to go to Home Depot to pick up the materials for the new floor we are having installed on Monday and it was late by the time we got home, and I ended up suggesting Pizza for dinner. Maybe not the worst selection, but once I got there, I ordered a gigantic slice of stuffed meat pizza and ate the whole slice. Then I had to go to Walgreens to get cards and I ended up coming home with a box of drumsticks.....You know, those totally delicious, pre-packaged ice cream cones with the hard chocolate shell and the inch of solid chocolate at the very bottom of the cone? YUM! I mean, the sad part is, if I wanted that once in a while, it wouldn't be the worst thing, but the combination of everything was so bad. And the worst part was, Maggie had cooked up a a bunch of garlic marinated chicken breasts right after we got home from vacation and we went food shopping so all the right food that I actually really love is in there....So, why??? Why am I behaving badly? I don't want to eat bad, I don't want to feel tired and lethargic.
Then I realized, I have been totally focusing on food.....What to eat, what not to eat and while I was away I forgot the most important component of successful weight loss.......MOTIVATION! I know what to eat and how much of it to eat, but so many times I have talked about the fact that it isn't enough to be educated on what to eat and what not to eat and in what portions you should eat it....You can be completely and totally educated on what's right and wrong and still be unsuccessful. I know first hand because I am one of those people. But I always say that there are so many books out there that teach people how to lose weight. They educate people on how they should do it, what they should eat, how many times a day they should eat and in what portions to do it. They talk about the need to exercise to get healthy and aid in your weight loss efforts, but the one thing that so many of these books are missing is the WHY and WHAT??? Ok, I need to lose weight, I have all the tools, all the knowledge and everything I need, but WHY should I do it? Why should I change my habits? Why should I lose weight? WHAT do I need to do to keep my motivation to keep practicing these healthy eating habits? WHAT is in it for me?
It isn't enough to know the HOW. It isn't enough to have all the tools and resources. Along with that, almost more important than the HOW is the WHY and the WHAT!
Those are the two pieces of the puzzle I have completely ignored this week. I have been so focused on eating and trying to resist temptation and never once did I think about MY WHY and the WHAT!
So, forget about the food. Today, I am going to focus on 2 things: My WHY and my WHAT.
WHY do I need to and want to do this?
WHAT is in it for me? WHAT will I get?
WHY: So, I can feel better about myself, so I can get off my Blood pressure meds, so I can live a long healthy life, so I can get this weight off my foot and reduce all the strain on my poor healing achilles tendon and get the pressure off my "good" foot which has been hurting me. So I can get out of bed every morning and not have pain in my feet and knees. So I can feel proud and confident on my Motorcycle. And so many other things that I could go on and one about!
WHAT is in it for me?? To get my life back. To stop existing and start living! To be able to play sports again. To ride my bicycle and hike. To feel like I am more respected at work and not seen as the "Fat" girl. I'll get to join a volleyball team and a softball team. I can participate in that Hiking Group I joined on meetup, but haven't had the confidence to attend a meetup, I can feel great in a bathing suit on the beach.. I can enjoy going to our neighborhood pool and not feel embarrassed by people looking at me. And again, so many other things to list, as I have many WHYS and WHATS.
It is so easy to get caught up in all the eating. But I have really learned over this past year on my journey that eating right is only part of the puzzle. If you are not motivated to eat right, it doesn't matter how knowledgeable you are, if you don't stay motivated to do the hard work to lose weight, knowledge will get you no where. So, today I will stay focused on the WHY the WHAT and I will focus on FEELING. And when I say FEELING, I am talking about thinking ahead to the future and trying to FEEL now the way I will FEEL when I am 75, 100, 150 pounds lighter. I have been there, I know how good it feels. Just like I can imagine how good a piece of chocolate tastes on my tongue, I also have the ability to imagine how good it feels to be slim, healthy, athletic and I know that there is nothing in this world that feels better than that! So that is what I am going to focus on today! I am going to THINK and FEEL thin, athletic, and energetic! What better motivation is there than that???
Don't ever give up and always try to think positive, motivational thoughts and encourage yourself to do better everyday. If you have a "slip up", let it go and move on. Beating yourself up over it and getting down about it only causes you to feel worse, which leads to more bad eating. Forgive yourself, move on and start fresh! Every minute of your life is a new opportunity to try again and get it right!
Again I say, "It's about progress, not perfection!"
Two quotes today that really spoke to me that I would like to share and sorry to say, the place I got these from didn't cite them, so I don't know who the author of these quotes were, but they are too good not to share:
"Listen closely: the only time it's too late to change yourself is when you're dead. Until then, you're simply making excuses or lying to yourself."
"Anything is possible, It's your choice whether or not you choose to make IT happen."
Yet, here I am, 5 days after returning home and I am craving bad foods and struggling to stick to my healthy eating. And you know what? I feel like crap!!! I feel lethargic and tired and bloated. I have not been sleeping well. So, why can't I get it back together.
Now, I do want to clarify that I am not completely off the wagon. I am not on a binge, so I am looking at that as an accomplishment and as progress. I didn't even binge when I was in Florida. At times, I may not have made the best choices when going out to eat or eating a little more candy than I should have at my Mom's house, but nothing I did resembled binging and never once was I eating out of emotion. All the eating I did was strictly out of celebration related to being on vacation and being with my family. And I feel that my 4 pounds weight gain after being on vacation for 7 days wasn't all that bad. So, I feel pretty successful about not binge eating or doing any emotional eating, which has been my biggest struggle.
Over the last 5 days since I have been home, I have been mostly back to a healthy eating plan. But each day I have had small "slip ups", moments of weakness and I am trying to identify where those "moments" are stemming from.
For instance, on Monday, I ate a great breakfast, packed a super healthy lunch, but ate some chocolate that a co-worker keeps on her desk. I was struggling all day because I really wanted to go get Jimmy johns for lunch, but I resisted. But I was craving a hero so bad, I did end up stopping for one on the way home for dinner. So, I did it, I tried to move on. Then yesterday, the vending machine, which I never pay any attention to and haven't in the 2 years I work here, all of a sudden called out to me and I found myself, after eating once again a good breakfast and good lunch, selecting a cinnamon roll AND a small bag of vanilla creme cookies from the machine. I ate them, but felt disgusted about it the whole time. I didn't feel like I was eating out of emotion, but I did feel that I was eating out of addiction. Maybe sugar addiction from the candy I at near the end of my vacation week. It really does get into your blood, but I have to be strong and resist it so I can detox from the sugar.
Then last night for dinner, we had to go to Home Depot to pick up the materials for the new floor we are having installed on Monday and it was late by the time we got home, and I ended up suggesting Pizza for dinner. Maybe not the worst selection, but once I got there, I ordered a gigantic slice of stuffed meat pizza and ate the whole slice. Then I had to go to Walgreens to get cards and I ended up coming home with a box of drumsticks.....You know, those totally delicious, pre-packaged ice cream cones with the hard chocolate shell and the inch of solid chocolate at the very bottom of the cone? YUM! I mean, the sad part is, if I wanted that once in a while, it wouldn't be the worst thing, but the combination of everything was so bad. And the worst part was, Maggie had cooked up a a bunch of garlic marinated chicken breasts right after we got home from vacation and we went food shopping so all the right food that I actually really love is in there....So, why??? Why am I behaving badly? I don't want to eat bad, I don't want to feel tired and lethargic.
Then I realized, I have been totally focusing on food.....What to eat, what not to eat and while I was away I forgot the most important component of successful weight loss.......MOTIVATION! I know what to eat and how much of it to eat, but so many times I have talked about the fact that it isn't enough to be educated on what to eat and what not to eat and in what portions you should eat it....You can be completely and totally educated on what's right and wrong and still be unsuccessful. I know first hand because I am one of those people. But I always say that there are so many books out there that teach people how to lose weight. They educate people on how they should do it, what they should eat, how many times a day they should eat and in what portions to do it. They talk about the need to exercise to get healthy and aid in your weight loss efforts, but the one thing that so many of these books are missing is the WHY and WHAT??? Ok, I need to lose weight, I have all the tools, all the knowledge and everything I need, but WHY should I do it? Why should I change my habits? Why should I lose weight? WHAT do I need to do to keep my motivation to keep practicing these healthy eating habits? WHAT is in it for me?
It isn't enough to know the HOW. It isn't enough to have all the tools and resources. Along with that, almost more important than the HOW is the WHY and the WHAT!
Those are the two pieces of the puzzle I have completely ignored this week. I have been so focused on eating and trying to resist temptation and never once did I think about MY WHY and the WHAT!
So, forget about the food. Today, I am going to focus on 2 things: My WHY and my WHAT.
WHY do I need to and want to do this?
WHAT is in it for me? WHAT will I get?
WHY: So, I can feel better about myself, so I can get off my Blood pressure meds, so I can live a long healthy life, so I can get this weight off my foot and reduce all the strain on my poor healing achilles tendon and get the pressure off my "good" foot which has been hurting me. So I can get out of bed every morning and not have pain in my feet and knees. So I can feel proud and confident on my Motorcycle. And so many other things that I could go on and one about!
WHAT is in it for me?? To get my life back. To stop existing and start living! To be able to play sports again. To ride my bicycle and hike. To feel like I am more respected at work and not seen as the "Fat" girl. I'll get to join a volleyball team and a softball team. I can participate in that Hiking Group I joined on meetup, but haven't had the confidence to attend a meetup, I can feel great in a bathing suit on the beach.. I can enjoy going to our neighborhood pool and not feel embarrassed by people looking at me. And again, so many other things to list, as I have many WHYS and WHATS.
It is so easy to get caught up in all the eating. But I have really learned over this past year on my journey that eating right is only part of the puzzle. If you are not motivated to eat right, it doesn't matter how knowledgeable you are, if you don't stay motivated to do the hard work to lose weight, knowledge will get you no where. So, today I will stay focused on the WHY the WHAT and I will focus on FEELING. And when I say FEELING, I am talking about thinking ahead to the future and trying to FEEL now the way I will FEEL when I am 75, 100, 150 pounds lighter. I have been there, I know how good it feels. Just like I can imagine how good a piece of chocolate tastes on my tongue, I also have the ability to imagine how good it feels to be slim, healthy, athletic and I know that there is nothing in this world that feels better than that! So that is what I am going to focus on today! I am going to THINK and FEEL thin, athletic, and energetic! What better motivation is there than that???
Don't ever give up and always try to think positive, motivational thoughts and encourage yourself to do better everyday. If you have a "slip up", let it go and move on. Beating yourself up over it and getting down about it only causes you to feel worse, which leads to more bad eating. Forgive yourself, move on and start fresh! Every minute of your life is a new opportunity to try again and get it right!
Again I say, "It's about progress, not perfection!"
Two quotes today that really spoke to me that I would like to share and sorry to say, the place I got these from didn't cite them, so I don't know who the author of these quotes were, but they are too good not to share:
"Listen closely: the only time it's too late to change yourself is when you're dead. Until then, you're simply making excuses or lying to yourself."
"Anything is possible, It's your choice whether or not you choose to make IT happen."
Monday, May 2, 2011
Ugh!!! Vacation!!!
Last Friday, the 22nd of April, I left for my vacation to my Mom's house in Florida. In the past, my mindset leaving for vacation has always been, "It's vacation, I am going to enjoy myself and eat whatever I want." But the reality is, I don't REALLY enjoy myself when I eat like that. These last couple of months of eating healthy has really taught me that I feel so much better and enjoy life so much better when I am eating good, healthy, nutritious food. But since it was my vacation AND Easter weekend AND my grandma's 95th birthday celebration, I was a bit concerned with how well I would do sticking to a healthy eating plan.
I am proud to say that the beginning of my week, I felt I did really well. We arrived late Friday night, just in time for Pizza. I did eat two slices, but I stopped there.....Until the ice cream was brought out. Then I reverted back to my old self and I managed to polish off a decent size bowl of ice cream with hot fudge and whipped cream. I don't know what happened. I guess I just got caught up in the celebration of being with my whole family under one roof for the first time in about 7 years. But right after eating the ice cream, I felt sick to my stomach. I continued to have some stomach issues into the next day and so this ensured I ate as healthy as possible at my Grams birthday party. I ate salad, one piece of very delicious chicken, a small bit of rice and that was it. No seconds for me. Then I ate a small piece of yummy birthday cake. Late that night, we went to the pool and I spend about 20 minutes in the resistance pool to give myself a little work out.
On Easter day, I did eat everything that was prepared, but I had small amounts and again, no seconds. Most of my family left on Monday morning and I tried to resume normal eating as much as possible. I just kept trying to remember how crappy I felt Friday night after I ate the ice cream. I won't rehash everything I ate, but I will say that mostly I ate pretty good. My Mom had a lot of candy, cakes and other yummy sweets and although I had a small amount, I know I didn't abuse it like I have in the past. I got on the scale on Wednesday to see how I had done and I had gained a pound, which I didn't think was too bad since I knew I was not being perfect. But it was all down hill from there. From there, we ended up eating out at least once each day and I know I didn't make the best choices. And I did end up getting into some Easter candy.
I returned home on Friday the 29th and I weighed myself 1st thing Saturday and I had gained a total of 4 pounds. I actually planned on and gave myself license to gain 3. So, I went one pound over what I planned on. Not too bad. But the frustrating part is, the rest of the weekend, I had a hard time getting myself back on track. I spent the weekend with the "I'm on vacation attitude" and that is not good. I think I did a lot of damage. But here we are, Monday and I am not going to hold on to what I did wrong. I am trying to redirect today and just make sure I am eating healthy today.
I am having a struggle today. I just ate some chocolate from a co-workers office. It's not so bad if I just move on from here, but it's lunch time and I really want to go out and get Jimmy johns for lunch. I am craving the Italian Night Club Hero, but I know I MUST stay strong. After I write this, I am taking my turkey chili into the break room and heating it up and will just be happy with that! I have to! I have no other choice. I have to get these 4 pounds, and whatever other pounds I put on over the weekend, OFF and I have to continue my weight loss!
I didn't struggle too much, but we did eat Ice Cream two other times....Once at Ben & Jerry's and once at Bresslers and I LOVE the ice cream from both, and today, I guess I am back suffering from a sugar addiction because I am craving sweets. But the only thing I can do is stay strong, like I did 2 months ago, and break the sugar addiction. I know if I stay strong, it will only last a few days at most.
As I sit here struggling with myself to not go out to Jimmy Johns, I am working hard to remember all the reasons why losing weight is so important to me. The one thing that is standing out in my mind is the jeans I am wearing right now. I just got them out of the wash and they feel so comfortable on me. Not too tight and these are the jeans that just about 5 weeks ago didn't fit me AT ALL! I couldn't button them and here I am today, sitting very comfortably in them. That is what I am focusing on in order to keep my mind focused on what else I want to accomplish. Jimmy Johns won't get me what I ultimately want, but eating my turkey chili will.
I think I am good.....I know I am can stay strong. Here I go...Off to heat up my turkey chili and enjoy that more than I ever would enjoy Jimmy Johns!!
I know when I weigh in this Saturday morning, I will see good things on the scale!
It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. ~ James Gordon, M.D.
I am proud to say that the beginning of my week, I felt I did really well. We arrived late Friday night, just in time for Pizza. I did eat two slices, but I stopped there.....Until the ice cream was brought out. Then I reverted back to my old self and I managed to polish off a decent size bowl of ice cream with hot fudge and whipped cream. I don't know what happened. I guess I just got caught up in the celebration of being with my whole family under one roof for the first time in about 7 years. But right after eating the ice cream, I felt sick to my stomach. I continued to have some stomach issues into the next day and so this ensured I ate as healthy as possible at my Grams birthday party. I ate salad, one piece of very delicious chicken, a small bit of rice and that was it. No seconds for me. Then I ate a small piece of yummy birthday cake. Late that night, we went to the pool and I spend about 20 minutes in the resistance pool to give myself a little work out.
On Easter day, I did eat everything that was prepared, but I had small amounts and again, no seconds. Most of my family left on Monday morning and I tried to resume normal eating as much as possible. I just kept trying to remember how crappy I felt Friday night after I ate the ice cream. I won't rehash everything I ate, but I will say that mostly I ate pretty good. My Mom had a lot of candy, cakes and other yummy sweets and although I had a small amount, I know I didn't abuse it like I have in the past. I got on the scale on Wednesday to see how I had done and I had gained a pound, which I didn't think was too bad since I knew I was not being perfect. But it was all down hill from there. From there, we ended up eating out at least once each day and I know I didn't make the best choices. And I did end up getting into some Easter candy.
I returned home on Friday the 29th and I weighed myself 1st thing Saturday and I had gained a total of 4 pounds. I actually planned on and gave myself license to gain 3. So, I went one pound over what I planned on. Not too bad. But the frustrating part is, the rest of the weekend, I had a hard time getting myself back on track. I spent the weekend with the "I'm on vacation attitude" and that is not good. I think I did a lot of damage. But here we are, Monday and I am not going to hold on to what I did wrong. I am trying to redirect today and just make sure I am eating healthy today.
I am having a struggle today. I just ate some chocolate from a co-workers office. It's not so bad if I just move on from here, but it's lunch time and I really want to go out and get Jimmy johns for lunch. I am craving the Italian Night Club Hero, but I know I MUST stay strong. After I write this, I am taking my turkey chili into the break room and heating it up and will just be happy with that! I have to! I have no other choice. I have to get these 4 pounds, and whatever other pounds I put on over the weekend, OFF and I have to continue my weight loss!
I didn't struggle too much, but we did eat Ice Cream two other times....Once at Ben & Jerry's and once at Bresslers and I LOVE the ice cream from both, and today, I guess I am back suffering from a sugar addiction because I am craving sweets. But the only thing I can do is stay strong, like I did 2 months ago, and break the sugar addiction. I know if I stay strong, it will only last a few days at most.
As I sit here struggling with myself to not go out to Jimmy Johns, I am working hard to remember all the reasons why losing weight is so important to me. The one thing that is standing out in my mind is the jeans I am wearing right now. I just got them out of the wash and they feel so comfortable on me. Not too tight and these are the jeans that just about 5 weeks ago didn't fit me AT ALL! I couldn't button them and here I am today, sitting very comfortably in them. That is what I am focusing on in order to keep my mind focused on what else I want to accomplish. Jimmy Johns won't get me what I ultimately want, but eating my turkey chili will.
I think I am good.....I know I am can stay strong. Here I go...Off to heat up my turkey chili and enjoy that more than I ever would enjoy Jimmy Johns!!
I know when I weigh in this Saturday morning, I will see good things on the scale!
It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. ~ James Gordon, M.D.
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