Trying to Tame the Beast!

So, I am having an experience right at this moment that I need to blog about. This very feeling that I have going on inside me right now is the very thing that I have tried to study in myself, have tried to figure out exactly what it is and where it comes from.

As I wrote in my last blog, after about 3 months of success and being able to take of 25 pounds without struggling much at all, I have been struggling for the last 2 weeks. Right now I feel this strong desire, almost a NEED, to eat. I am so hungry right now but instead of craving all the good food I have at home, there is the feeling, almost like a instinctive DRIVE that is making me feel like the only thing that will satisfy me is food from any place other than my house. I can't say that I am craving a certain item, but rather I have this feeling of just want to wrap my arms around and indulge in some kind of food maybe for comfort. Right now, I am feeling a desperate, almost panic feeling and in my mind the only thing that will ease it will be food from a restaurant or fast food place.

I can almost feel a heat or energy coming from the center of my chest. I know that I am fiending for something and I can almost imagine that this is exactly the way a drug addict feels when they need a fix. I have never been a drug addict so I don't know, but I definitely know that this feeling I am feeling right now can only be described as a desperate need. In my head, I am imagining myself desperately driving in the car to get something to eat and then I get the mental picture of sitting there eating it and taking a big sigh of relief and feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's really sick, I know and I don't know what has brought this on.

For a straight 3 months, I was doing so well. I didn't have one time were I felt this drive to need to eat. I was so excited about all my healthy food and was enjoying it so much. I pass two McDonald's and other fast food places on the way home and for 3 months, I didn't even think of those places. I didn't even notice them on my way to and from work. But today, in my mind, I am plotting the location of every single possible place where I can stop. And it wouldn't be a light meal, I am definitely feeling like I want to binge.

But why? What has shifted? Why was I feeling so in control and now I am feeling so out of control? I am trying to pinpoint what is going on in my mind and in my life that would bring on this feeling, this need? It's scary how out of control I feel right now. The only saving grace I have for myself right now is I don't have my debit card with me. I left it home. I guess that is good thing. I just hope when I get home that I can just eat what's home and not be tempted to go out again to get something.

It's a struggle, but I know I can over come this. If it was easy, no one would be fat. Everyone would be skinny. I need to succeed. I just can't stand who I am anymore!

So, I pray, God, please give me strength. Please help me to get through this and stay strong until this feeling passes. Please let me get home and make a nice, healthy dinner for myself that I do enjoy. Please give me the strength to become the person I desperately want to be and take away this curse from me. Amen!

I think some of it might be stressed. I started this new business, Krypto Gear. wwww.kkryptogear.com and I am feeling a little stressed over this, but I can't use that as an excuse to eat. But I have to work harder to try to figure out where this feeling comes from. IT's very frustrating and disheartening! But I know I will get through this! I have to! I don't have a choice!