Making Up Your Mind to Be Happy!

I know that much of the eating that I do is based on whatever emotional state I am experiencing at the time. Lately, I have felt down, stressed and overwhelmed by life. I can't exactly put my finger on what is causing me to feel this way, but I do know that feeling this way is a catalyst to make me want to eat.

Today I realized I have not been as dedicated to my daily interaction with keeping my thoughts positive like I have been. Keeping my thoughts set on the positive things in life definitely helps to keep me in a positive mood and mindset. When I am feeling positive, I am feeling good and happy and I feel like I can conquer the world.

So, I decided to really think about some of the things making me feel down, sad and stressed and realized that much of that stress is self-created. Things really aren't all that bad. It takes work everyday, but if you can keep your thoughts positive, you can keep yourself moving in a positive productive direction.

I know when I am feeling good about my life, I am feeling good about  myself and that results in me wanting to eat right and exercise. Last Saturday I weighed in and I lost 4 pounds. That has made me feel so terrific! This weekend was a struggle, but because I allow myself too much license to eat. But I am back to eating well. This week, I feel I am doing great and I EXPECT another big loss on the scale. I know I can do this!

I can't wait until January 2011 to see the new ME!!  No, I want to correct that....I can see the new me already. Now, I just have to make my outside shell reflect the person that I see and feel on the inside.

I want to share ME with the world! Here I come and I am smokin' HOT!

When the going gets tough, the tough get going!

There is no such thing as easy days and hard days when you are trying to accomplish anything worth while. If it was easy, everyone would be successful. But there are days that are harder than others. It's the accomplishment of getting through those days victorious that help to really fuel my fire and keep me going for the long run.

I had a little bit of an emotional, feel bad about myself kind of day and even though I didn't eat 100% right yesterday, it wasn't because of my emotional state. It was because it was Valentine's day and I was allowing myself a little treat, and even at that, I didn't binge or anything.

If I can get through a day like I was having yesterday, I can make it through anything!
I was really good last week and felt like I was really back on my game and when I weighed in on Saturday morning, I had lost 4 pounds!!! I felt so happy and so good! I am going to repeat that success this week.

I actually am very excited about going to curves tonight. And I am hoping that this coming weekend in nice cause I really want to get out for a nice hike! I need to be outside and I need to sweat!!! ;-)

I really can't wait for the warm weather to start rolling in because I plan on spending a lot of time being active outdoors!

One of the most important things I have learned so far in my fight to lose weight is that the power of a positive attitude makes all the difference and that when you slip, it's so important to just forget, talk nice to yourself and move on and keep working hard. In all my experience at going to weight loss meetings like Weight Watchers, there isn't enough emphasis on the power of positive thinking and too much emphasis on talking about food. You need to talk about food, but I have found that many meetings, members spend a great deal of the meeting talking about how they failed or what product they found that is delicious and low in calories.

This is important, but I feel its more important to get people to learn how to think positively and speak and act as if they have already overcome their weight loss battles.


Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon... must inevitably come to pass! ~ Paul J. Meyer

Positive Self Talk

I am a very big believer in positive self talk. I have had experience with telling myself how awful I was and putting myself down for struggling so much with my weight, but ultimately the outcome is not such a great one...It only resulted in me feeling worse about myself. So many times I have felt like a failure and here I am, still fat. So, that should be proof enough that self-deprecating words don't do anything but cause more damage to an already damaged emotional state......I mean, that is why I am fat isn't it? Because somewhere along the way, I was damaged emotionally and I ate my feelings?

When I look back over my life, during the most sad and painful period of my life, the time where I had the least respect for myself and no self confidence, is the time when I really began to pack on the pounds. I think partially it was because I was too nice and let people walk all over me. I was a doormat for so many people. I was so unhappy.

I am a much happier person now; I have confidence and respect for myself.......but then why am I still fat?

I know why......It's because I am still hurting somewhere deep inside. Just because I have moved on and have worked hard to live a happier, more positive life doesn't mean there isn't still hurt and/or pain inside that causes me to lack the drive and motivation to really want to shed this cocoon that I am hiding in.

Intelligently, I feel as if I do want to change very much.......I want to feel good and healthy and athletic. I don't want to live in this body anymore. I don't want to feel the way I am feeling anymore. If I could run a million miles away right now, I would. So my question to myself is this.......Why can't all these feelings I am having be enough to fire me up to just work hard to shed this weight? I have been struggling the last 2 weeks and I just started this new journey, I mean, I have been trying to lose weight for years, but this new journey of wanting to lose 150 pounds by 01/14/2011 just started about 3 weeks ago and for two weeks I have been really really struggling!!  WHY??? I keep asking myself what is the problem? What can I do to adjust my attitude?

Every morning I wake up and I feel so excited and motivated....But as the day goes on, I somehow lose something. By the end of the day, I feel like I just don't care anymore and I lose motivation to keep working hard. I have to get back to curves, as I haven't been there in a week. I am going to go tonight and maybe that will help me get back on track.

But, looking at the bigger picture, I have to try to figure out what is going on in my head. What factors are causing me to not WANT to stick to my healthy eating plan? Well, I think I know....I think I have a lot going on in my head.......Work, family, relationship and friendship issues. Too many things to think about. Plus, I am always putting so much pressure on myself to think of something else to do with my life aside from my current occupation because I am not content with it anymore. I know there is something better out there for me but I just can't find it. That is a constant source of frustration for me......I just want to get up every day and do something that fulfills me. I know that I want to work with people. I want to help people to have the best life they possibly can and I want to help others be happy. This would be totally and completely satisfying for me. But the question is, how do I get there? I have lots of work to do on me before this could happen.

Yesterday I had a realization about something. I was watching a video of a musical group Angel Band, that Maggie and I want to go see. And as I was watching them singing, all I could think was....How did I get where I am now? I am so far off course from where I originally wanted to be. I was a music performance major in college and all I ever wanted to do was sing. I always had this big dream that one day I was going to be a superstar! 

After I graduated college and began working, I knew that working in business was NOT what I wanted to do, but I realized that music didn't really pay unless you made it big, so at about 25 years old, I went back to school for computer programming and web design. My plan so seem so clear to me at the time. I would become a programmer and make really good money and I would use this money to buy great music equipment and pay for studio time so I could make my demo record so that I could send it out to all the major music studio and become discovered. 

Sounds good enough......But what happened? Why didn't I ever make it there? Well, I got so involved in computers and business for those two years that I was in school and work, that I FORGOT that I was really a musician and not a business woman. I lost sight of my dream and my path was lost. I should have left myself some breadcrumbs so I remembered how to get back to where I was going, but somehow, I missed my turn and ended up taking a totally different path. 

Watching those women sing on the video, all I could think was, "That is suppose to me....why aren't I doing that?"

To me, realizing my HUGE off course mistake, I realize the HUGE importance of a vision board. It is so important to write down your goals and put them on your vision board and look at them every day so you remember the things that are so important to you. That way, you can't get off course. 

It may be too late for my music career, but it's not too late for me to get back on track with my weight. But somehow, I keep getting lost.....I keep getting off track. So, where is my vision board? Well, since we moved in October, it's been hiding behind some boxes in the garage. Not good at all!!

I NEED to get back to my vision board. I NEED to make sure that my weight loss goal is the MAIN THEME on my board and I NEED to look at it EVERYDAY to remind myself of where I am going so I can remember how to get there.

When you have a goal, it can't just be a passive idea in your life that you verbalize once or twice to yourself or your friends, but rather, HAS to be something that IS WHAT DEFINES YOU! LIVE, EAT, SLEEP and BREATH that goal until it comes to pass!

Part of my problem is that there are too many things that I want to accomplish and I try to think about it all at once. I drive myself crazy. But I think I am going to try something new. One of my High School teachers wrote something in my yearbook that I will never forget....He wrote, "Concentrate and specialize."  At the time I had no idea what he was talking about. I looked at him like he was crazy. It happened to be my chorus teacher who wrote that. 

Now, I know exactly what he meant by that. In High School, I was involved in many activities.....I was in Band, Jazz Band, Marching Band, Orchestra, Chorus and Pop Ensemble as well as, I played a sport every season, Volleyball, Softball, Basketball and Field Hockey. Looking back, I don't even know how I had time for all of it. But I loved all of it. The problem was, when you have so many things you are involved in, it's hard to give each one your full attention. It was like I was a jack of all trades, master of none. If I had specialized and focused on just one, two or three of those activities, maybe I could have become a master in just one of them. Instead, I was all over the place. 

Well, now is the time for me to concentrate and specialize. Right now, my focus HAS to be losing weight, getting in shape and getting healthy. I can worry about starting my business and writing my book after January 14th 2011.

I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL DO THIS!!

I will continue my positive self talk and when I get home, I am going to pull out my vision board. Maybe I need to create a new one.

The True Reward!

 I have not written in a few days and I probably should have been. It would have helped me mentally with all that I have been going through. Which really has not been anything too awful. I have just been feeling down about losing my cat, since today is only a week since she is gone. Last weekend the weather was bad and combined with that and losing my Misty, I made all kinds of excuses to eat. I wrote on Monday that I was going to start eating better TODAY, but TODAY never happened. I continued to find a way to make excuses on Monday to continue eating bad. On Tuesday I made efforts to eat better. I got through breakfast and lunch, but dinner was a disaster. The rest of the week pretty much followed suit.

The other problem was, I kept making an effort to get to Curves but somehow, that never happened either. Since I joined in November, this is the first week I totally blew off and that scared me! I can't fall into that very bad h abit of not going.

I was really lazy and I was the master of excuses this week......and for those of you who know me, you all know there is nothing I hate more than EXCUSES!!!! I have no tolerance for them!! They are just words we use to help us justify a bad decision we made so that we don't feel guilty about it! They aren't real....Just WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, NOISE, NOISE,NOISE!! 
 I am hard on others who make excuses, so I am going to be hard on myself!! I am not going to degrade myself. I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start on a clean slate, but I am not going to tell myself that it's ok, cause it's NOT!!!! And it's certainly NOT ok if I really want to achieve my goal! There is no room in my goal for excuses!!!!

This week really was not successful for me and my inclination today, Friday, is to say, "Well, I blew it this week, why don't I finish it out with a bang?" Let me give myself one last reward and enjoy something Yum Yum!!

But as I think this, it hits me......There really is no enjoyment anymore in the Yum Yum......After I eat something Yummy, I feel full, bloated, lethargic, unhealthy, sluggish, unattractive, sleepy, unmotivated, useless, unsuccessful and I feel really, really bad.......So, what kind of a reward is that? So, for 5-10 minutes of something yummy tasting, am I really willing to make myself feel so bad in the long run? NOOOOO!!!

The true reward for me is, eating something Yum Yum, but healthy, cause that does exist! The true reward is feeling energized and  healthy, successful and not feeling bloated, or sick or fat. I wrote a blog not too long ago about how good I felt.....I felt thin as I walked down the halls at work. I felt good, happy, full of energy. The truth was, I wasn't really thinner, but the eating healthy and working out had helped me lose the bloated, sluggish, gross, fat feeling and gave me an better feeling so that I could stay motivated to keep working hard...towards my TRUE REWARD!

The true reward is knowing that I have control of all my choices and knowing that I made the choice to be strong and work hard toward a goal that I deserve to give me the best life ever!!!

The true reward is going to curves and walking out, with sweat dripping from my face and all over my shirt, making it saturated on my back and chest! The true reward is feeling my heart rate increase and breathing heavy and feeling strong and accomplished as I do it!

These are the true rewards that last a life time and are more important than the 5 or 10 minute pleasure party that I have indulged in for the last 15 years that has taken away my life. Eating healthy and working out 3 times a week for 30 minutes is the right recipe for a lifetime of healthy, happiness, success and feeling good!!

Give yourself the true reward you deserve starting NOW!!!!

Challenges and Excuses!

I haven't written in a few days, something I would like to avoid in the future, as writing is very cathartic for me.

On Friday, January 29th, I found my cat in a seemly distressed situation. Her breathing was labored and she looked dazed and seemed like at some point during the day, she had some kind of bloody discharge from her nose. Long story short, I ended up having to put her down as the vet said she was in congestive heart failure.

Well, knowing that I am an emotional eater, I should have prepared myself, but my grief got the best of me. To top this off, when we left the Vet Friday night, it had stated snowing, a long awaited and predicted snow store that we were getting hit with here in the South. Well, on Saturday, between my sadness and the storm, I went out to the store and bought lot's of junk food. Ice Cream, donuts, pizza rolls and God knows what else. I felt sick by the end of the night. Then, Sunday, I went out and bought more. I ate much of it yesterday, but I do still have food left over today.

So, then I ask myself, Since I can't fix what I did Saturday and Sunday, regardless of the fact that I still have food left, am I going to get back on track today, stop making excuses and just get back on the wagon? How will I overcome all the food that I still have in the house.

My goal was to lose 3.5 pounds per week. Well, last week was my second weight in and I totally blew it. I stayed the same.......Now, this weekend, I was REALLY REALLY bad and I can't even imagine what the scale is going to read when I step on next Saturday. I know I can't let that deter me. I have to work even harder. I know it may not be 3.5 pounds, but if I pull it together today, maybe I can at least show some kind of loss.

It's all up to me. The power is in my hands and my hands alone. How much does this mean to me? How much do I want this.

Yesterday, I went to see Xanadu the musical and I was really concerned with fitting in the seat. Well, I worried for nothing because I fit totally fine. The seats were actually very comfortable. But, I still felt self conscience cause the friend I went with is more on the thinner side and I felt like my leg was spilling over to her seat a little. I know my leg was touching her's and I was a little embarrassed about that.

But the way I feel after an experience like that should be just want I need to keep my butt motivated to eat right and exercise.

I know I have to find my motivation from within. I go back to that quote I was sent from a friend regarding will power. It basically states, that it's not whether or not you have will power, but rather how strong your will to WANT TO CHANGE!

I DO WANT TO CHANGE. I want the life back that I gave up. I also know that I need to get my visual motivation back......My vision board. Since I moved, I haven't used it. Also, I use to have my weight loss board. It was a piece of foam board and I created a roadmap on it, it was all the days of the month and each day I have a nice stamp that says, "You Did It" when I made it through the day successfully and when I didn't, I used a big black X!!

I need to begin using tools like that to keep me mentally motivated.
I am 100% convinced that the most important factor in being successful in weigh loss is your attitude. If your mindset is not in the right place, you won't make the right choices. I don't think enough weight loss center focus enough on keeping a positive, motivated attitude. I need to make sure to keep mine in check!!