Resetting my Focus!

I am still struggling to get back on track after vacation. I try to look within myself and figure out why I am struggling so much? I was so enjoying all the good food I was eating before vacation. I was eating so many yummy, healthy things and as a result, I was feeling so great. I had so much energy, I was so motivated, I was feeling more confident in myself and I was excited about seeing the results of my healthy eating each week reflected on the scale. I remember thinking to myself, "This is easy, why did I ever struggle in the past. It feels so much better to eat healthy than it does to consume lot's of crappy foods."

Yet, here I am, 5 days after returning home and I am craving bad foods and struggling to stick to my healthy eating. And you know what? I feel like crap!!! I feel lethargic and tired and bloated. I have not been sleeping well. So, why can't I get it back together.

Now, I do want to clarify that I am not completely off the wagon. I am not on a binge, so I am looking at that as an accomplishment and as progress. I didn't even binge when I was in Florida. At times, I may not have made the best choices when going out to eat or eating a little more candy than I should have at my Mom's house, but nothing I did resembled binging and never once was I eating out of emotion. All the eating I did was strictly out of celebration related to being on vacation and being with my family. And I feel that my 4 pounds weight gain after being on vacation for 7 days wasn't all that bad. So, I feel pretty successful about not binge eating or doing any emotional eating, which has been my biggest struggle.

Over the last 5 days since I have been home, I have been mostly back to a healthy eating plan. But each day I have had small "slip ups", moments of weakness and I am trying to identify where those "moments" are stemming from.

For instance, on Monday, I ate a great breakfast, packed a super healthy lunch, but ate some chocolate that a co-worker keeps on her desk. I was struggling all day because I really wanted to go get Jimmy johns for lunch, but I resisted. But I was craving a hero so bad, I did end up stopping for one on the way home for dinner. So, I did it, I tried to move on. Then yesterday, the vending machine, which I never pay any attention to and haven't in the 2 years I work here, all of a sudden called out to me and I found myself, after eating once again a good breakfast and good lunch, selecting a cinnamon roll AND a small bag of vanilla creme cookies from the machine. I ate them, but felt disgusted about it the whole time. I didn't feel like I was eating out of emotion, but I did feel that I was eating out of addiction. Maybe sugar addiction from the candy I at near the end of my vacation week. It really does get into your blood, but I have to be strong and resist it so I can detox from the sugar.

Then last night for dinner, we had to go to Home Depot to pick up the materials for the new floor we are having installed on Monday and it was late by the time we got home, and I ended up suggesting Pizza for dinner. Maybe not the worst selection, but once I got there, I ordered a gigantic slice of stuffed meat pizza and ate the whole slice. Then I had to go to Walgreens to get cards and I ended up coming home with a box of drumsticks.....You know, those totally delicious, pre-packaged ice cream cones with the hard chocolate shell and the inch of solid chocolate at the very bottom of the cone? YUM! I mean, the sad part is, if I wanted that once in a while, it wouldn't be the worst thing, but the combination of everything was so bad. And the worst part was, Maggie had cooked up a a bunch of garlic marinated chicken breasts right after we got home from vacation and we went food shopping so all the right food that I actually really love is in there....So, why??? Why am I behaving badly? I don't want to eat bad, I don't want to feel tired and lethargic.

Then I realized, I have been totally focusing on food.....What to eat, what not to eat and while I was away I forgot the most important component of successful weight loss.......MOTIVATION! I know what to eat and how much of it to eat, but so many times I have talked about the fact that it isn't enough to be educated on what to eat and what not to eat and in what portions you should eat it....You can be completely and totally educated on what's right and wrong and still be unsuccessful. I know first hand because I am one of those people. But I always say that there are so many books out there that teach people how to lose weight. They educate people on how they should do it, what they should eat, how many times a day they should eat and in what portions to do it. They talk about the need to exercise to get healthy and aid in your weight loss efforts, but the one thing that so many of these books are missing is the WHY and WHAT??? Ok, I need to lose weight, I have all the tools, all the knowledge and everything I need, but WHY should I do it? Why should I change my habits? Why should I lose weight? WHAT do I need to do to keep my motivation to keep practicing these healthy eating habits? WHAT is in it for me?

It isn't enough to know the HOW. It isn't enough to have all the tools and resources. Along with that, almost more important than the HOW is the WHY and the WHAT!

Those are the two pieces of the puzzle I have completely ignored this week. I have been so focused on eating and trying to resist temptation and never once did I think about MY WHY and the WHAT!

So, forget about the food. Today, I am going to focus on 2 things: My WHY and my WHAT.

WHY do I need to and want to do this?
WHAT is in it for me? WHAT will I get?

WHY: So, I can feel better about myself, so I can get off my Blood pressure meds, so I can live a long healthy life, so I can get this weight off my foot and reduce all the strain on my poor healing achilles tendon and get the pressure off my "good" foot which has been hurting me. So I can get out of bed every morning and not have pain in my feet and knees. So I can feel proud and confident on my Motorcycle. And so many other things that I could go on and one about!

WHAT is in it for me?? To get my life back. To stop existing and start living! To be able to play sports again. To ride my bicycle and hike. To feel like I am more respected at work and not seen as the "Fat" girl. I'll get to join a volleyball team and a softball team. I can participate in that Hiking Group I joined on meetup, but haven't had the confidence to attend a meetup, I can feel great in a bathing suit on the beach.. I can enjoy going to our neighborhood pool and not feel embarrassed by people looking at me. And again, so many other things to list, as I have many WHYS and WHATS.

It is so easy to get caught up in all the eating. But I have really learned over this past year on my journey that eating right is only part of the puzzle. If you are not motivated to eat right, it doesn't matter how knowledgeable you are, if you don't stay motivated to do the hard work to lose weight, knowledge will get you no where. So, today I will stay focused on the WHY the WHAT and I will focus on FEELING. And when I say FEELING, I am talking about thinking ahead to the future and trying to FEEL now the way I will FEEL when I am 75, 100, 150 pounds lighter. I have been there, I know how good it feels. Just like I can imagine how good a piece of chocolate tastes on my tongue, I also have the ability to imagine how good it feels to be slim, healthy, athletic and I know that there is nothing in this world that feels better than that! So that is what I am going to focus on today! I am going to THINK and FEEL thin, athletic, and energetic! What better motivation is there than that???

Don't ever give up and always try to think positive, motivational thoughts and encourage yourself to do better everyday. If you have a "slip up", let it go and move on. Beating yourself up over it and getting down about it only causes you to feel worse, which leads to more bad eating. Forgive yourself, move on and start fresh! Every minute of your life is a new opportunity to try again and get it right!

Again I say, "It's about progress, not perfection!"

Two quotes today that really spoke to me that I would like to share and sorry to say, the place I got these from didn't cite them, so I don't know who the author of these quotes were, but they are too good not to share:

"Listen closely: the only time it's too late to change yourself is when you're dead. Until then, you're simply making excuses or lying to yourself."

"Anything is possible, It's your choice whether or not you choose to make IT happen."