I haven't written in over a month and I don't have the greatest news to report on my weight loss success. Some how I am still struggling. I guess I could really blame it on a decrease in my commitment because if I am really being honest with myself, that is exactly the problem. Some how, back in late May, I lost my motivation and my "Onfireness" if that is a word, which it's not, but I just used it in a sentence, so now it is.
I know full well that the only way for me to do this and really be successful is to work hard, stay motivated, renew my commitment every single day, have no excuses, work hard, exercise, eat healthy 90% of the time and get to curves at least 3 days a week.
I have some of it down, but I have not been working to consciously renew my commitment every morning. I think I have to write something down and keep it by my bed so I can read it every morning when I wake and remind myself all the reasons why I want to and have to do this. There are no excuses. I don't believe in deprivation because I think when you deprive yourself of the things you love in life, you are just setting yourself up for failure, but I have been allowing myself a little too much indulgence lately. I have been making too many excuses. I am feeling stressed about so many things and I know that I need to work to manage that better.
The one good thing that I have been doing it going to curves at least 3 mornings a week. Although, this week I only made it there twice and the hard part is, they have decided to close on Saturday's for the summer and they are never open on Sunday and so this makes it a little more difficult. But either way, I need to commit to do this and I have to stop making excuses. I am not going to sit here and recite everything that is going on in my life that is making me feel stressed or bad or anything else because it really doesn't matter. Those would just be excuses anyway and making excuses never gets you anywhere. I just need to focus, renew my commitment and just do it.
I felt very disheartened this morning when I got on the scale and I was up 1.5 pounds from last week. Then I looked at my weight loss excel sheet and I felt even worse. If I had just done right by myself and just worked hard to lose 1.6 pounds a week, today I would have been 309 pounds instead of my current weight today which is back up to 328. Very discouraging. I realize too that my weeks have been drastic in either direction. For example, looking at my weight loss chart, one week I lose 8 or 4 or 6, then next week I gain 4 then I lose 2 gain 2 lost 4. It's like I'm REALLY committed one week and the next week I am REALLY uncommitted.
I try to talk to myself and just say, "Be committed, but don't be an over achiever and don't be an underachiever, because neither one is working for me." Although I set my goal at 1.6 pounds a week, I kept thinking that I really wanted to push to lose more than that each week because that loss was too slow. But it's kind of like the story of the Turtle and the Hair. The hair RAN ahead fast, but then got tired and took a nap. He kept doing that, thinking he was getting ahead of the turtle because of how fast he ran in between all his napping. The turtle on the other hand just took it slow, but he never stopped. He just took it at an even pace and as we all know the story, the Turtle won the race, ending with the message, slow and steady wins the race. Well, looking at my weight loss log, which I have posted a portion of it here as a picture, I can truly relate to the moral of that story. My big weight loss one week combined with a small gain (Or not so small in some cases) has resulted in me not really getting anywhere. But if I had just worked consistently to lose 1.6 pounds a week, today I would have been 309, which is 19 pounds less than I am today.
A frustrating lesson for me to learn today, but a very impactual lesson for sure! So, I end my blog today promising myself that I will no longer try to lose 5 pounds a week, because even though I never admitted that was what I was doing....that was what I was doing. I will commit to just trying to eat healthy and in moderation, get to curves 3 days a week and work to lose 1.6 pounds a week. I will also renew my commitment to myself every morning as to remind myself as to why it's important for me to work hard TODAY to achieve my tomorrow goals!
I am frustrated, right now I do feel like I suck at life, or at least this weight loss thing, but I am still not giving up. I slipped, but now I am regaining my footing, standing back up and trying again until I get it right.
I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I can be succesful in this weight loss struggle. I started out at 347 pounds. Today I am 328 pounds. That is still a 20 pound weight loss and I have to allow that to keep me motivated. It wasn't that hard to lose those 20 pounds, so I know I can do it again, and again and again and again....As many times as I need to. I can do this! I know I can!
