Keeping Things in Perspective!

I try to live in a constant state of mind to keep a positive outlook on my life and the world around me. As we all know, being human, this is sometimes difficult. It is especially difficult for when I feel I am unsuccessful at my weight loss efforts. I get so down and discouraged and sometimes want to give up so bad. Sometimes I just feel that I want to be locked in a room for the next year and just have someone feed me bread and water through a slot in the door.

When I feel this way, it makes it very difficult for me to keep my positive attitude and stay on my plan. Usually what happens is, I get angry and all pissed off at the world, I cry and then I hit a drive-thru somewhere and completely go off the deep end by ordering enough food for a family of four.

Of course, this doesn’t make me feel better, it only makes me feel worse and I continue to beat myself up and tell myself how awful I am and how I will never succeed in this weight loss battle. I spend the evening moping and feeling miserable and I tell myself what a horrible failure I am. But inevitably, something always happens to make me realize how silly and ridiculous I am acting and I somehow find the strength and motivation to go on again and continue to fight the good fight.

Today, I had an amazing experience with a new co-worker who I haven’t had the good fortune to get to know very well until today at the water cooler. You hear about people’s water cooler stories all the time, but until today, I have never had one of my own.

Our conversation started out pretty casual and plain and somehow migrated to her telling me about her two sons and how they both were afflicted with a type degenerative muscle disorder and was told by doctors that they would not live past the age of 3. They are about 2 or 3 years apart, so I imagine having a toddler with this fatal diagnosis while you give birth to another child born with the same horrible disease must be extremely taxing on a person’s soul. My co-worker spoke of how challenging it was, but at the same time she spoke with extreme joy over how grateful she was so say that they had both outlived the predicted impending fate of the doctors, one of her boys now being 19 and the other one 21. And I noticed the sheer pride in her eyes, mixed slightly with a tear when she spoke of how, even though both sons were imprisoned in a motorized wheelchair and had very little, if any use of their extremities, had strong wills and motivation, as one was currently a computer science major and the older son, previously the valedictorian of his undergrad class, was now in pursuit of his Master Degree in Physics.

I stood there in awe as I listened to her speak and of her sons accomplishments, despite what I consider to be a major life obstacle! If anyone had a reason to come up with a million excuses as to why they could not succeed in life, it is these two boys.

And even as amazing, my co-worker told me how difficult her life has been in caring for these two boys, while her and her husband both needed to work in order to subsidize all their medical needs, while still having to provide for their family just like any of us. But in the midst of all this, my co-worker overcame her own challenges, and although she dedicated an exorbitant amount of time caring for her boys while working full time, still found a way to fulfill her dream of continuing her education. Her dream was to become a University English professor, which she did successfully for many years, until she realized she wanted to spend more time writing, which is how she came to work at the same company as I.

But even more amazing than the fact that she worked hard to continue her education, was that she didn’t just stop at a BA, or her MA, but she worked all the way to earning her PhD!

All this while working full time and talking care of two boys confined to a wheelchair and could not even brush their own teeth.

The story of this amazingly strong woman and her courage and motivation and that of her boys’ despite all their obstacles has really touched me in a way that I have never been touched before.

After hearing this story, I know that there is NOTHING that I can’t achieve! There is NOTHING that I can’t do. When I think of her story and think about all my ridiculous antics surround my weight loss, I am so ashamed at myself. I have the strength to do this. If she has the courage and strength to accomplish all she has in her life and if her boys have the same courage, strength and motivation, surely I can be successful at accomplishing a little thing like weight loss. Surely, a piece of cake or a couple of little pieces of chocolate or a Big Mac and fries are not powerful enough forces to really knock me off my feet and throw me off course! I know I am stronger than that!

I am grateful for my hour with her this morning because although maybe it’s a bit dramatic to say that she has changed my life, I almost want to say in all seriousness that she has. It is so easy to get caught up in the trivial concerns that are life, some really are big but many of the things we get upset over, really are small. Like the story I have of another co-worker, who brought cup cakes into work and got extremely upset over the fact that the person who took the last cupcake didn’t put the lid back on the container. Really? Are these the things that should really be of concern to us? Are these things in life that really matter that we should be wasting a second of our time dwelling on and being mad about?

But I know that after talking to her and knowing that there are many others out there who have great hurdles to overcome and are successful at overcoming them, it gives me great confidence in knowing that I am no different and although my struggles may not be as big as some others, they are still struggles that I need to learn to overcome and prevail over to prepare me for bigger struggles ahead so that I can have more success in my life. I always say, the bigger the hurdle, the bigger the success, but if you can’t get over the small hurdles, you will never come face to face with the big hurdles.

I know I can do anything. The idea of meeting my weight loss goal of 3.5 pounds a week is something I am going to continue to work hard at and I know it will be a breeze, but most importantly, I have learned not to make a mountain out of a mole hill, that even if I fail one week by not making my goal, it’s not the end of the world. I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going! No tears and no self deprecating talk anymore; it’s really not that serious! This is small in the scheme of many things in life and so I am just going to put on my big girl panties and DO IT!