These are the Days!

These are the days that make it difficult for me to want to stick to my weight loss goals. I am feeling really emotional right now about something that has happened at work and it is making me feel like F@%K IT! I just need to eat.....I am trying to figure out why I want to turn to food when I feel like this?

Why don't I instead have the urge to run 10 times around the block, or go to the gym and break into a dripping sweat.....No, instead, Visions of Bic Macs and Donuts are dancing in my head.

I want to go get food and bring it back home and hide away from the world and be mad, angry, sad or whatever I am feeling, all alone....Just me and my Nacho Cheese Chalupa, 2 Mexi-melts and cinnamon twists. WHAT IS THIS? What makes me feel this way? I mean, I know why I feel this way, but why is this my instant reaction the moment that I am feeling stressed out by life? intelligently, I know that eating isn't going to make it all go away. I mean, for the moment I think it does, but when I am done, I know I will still be stressed, but then my stress will be filled with feelings of remorse for eating the things I did, followed by thoughts and feelings of, "I am not good enough." or "I don't deserve to be happy, healthy, thin."

Well, I am happy to say that I am having some sort of break-through right now because even though I am feeling upset by today's events and I want to stop at every drive-tru on the way home and just eat my way through the evening, I am not going to do that!

I made a commitment to myself and for 15 years, I have let myself down. I am done disappointing myself. I know that there is something better for me out there than this "job" I come to everyday, but I truly believe I won't find it until I find myself. I bought a little book for myself and I have written down my long-term goal, my short-term goal and my plan for achieving my short-term goal, which in turn, will directly result in me achieving my long term goal. I am going to read it over every morning to remind myself and I also have a page full of positive affirmations that I am going to say every morning when I first wake up and every night before I go to sleep.

So, to recap the goal I set yesterday; To lose 150 pounds by January 14th 2011. In order for me to achieve that goal, I have to lose 3.5 pounds a week for the next 52 weeks and I HAVE to go to curves a minimum of 3 days a week and I have an extra goal set to hike each weekend at least 2 miles.

I am not going to get to that goal by eating and stuffing my face with all sorts of "bad" foods in an effort to self-medicate. Instead, I am going home, getting in my workout clothes and going right out to Curves to do my 30 minute work out, where I will easily burn 550 calories or more.

One of my favorite people at Curves, Ruth, will be there tonight and she always has a way of making me feel good about myself and motivating me to work hard. That is what I really need right now. Someone to remind me how awesome I am because my boss just tore me to shreds and stripped me of every piece of dignity I had left in me. Funny how people do that....Funny what other people's egos can do to our own egos.......But that is a different blog for a different time.

Right now is the time for me to pick myself up, dust myself off and not base all my self-worth on what my boss, who hardly knows me and is not involved in my day to day work, has to say about me.

Chinese Proverb, "Fall down 7 times, stand up 8." That is one of my favorite quotes! So simple, but it's so easy to stay on the ground when you feel you have been knocked down. But today, I am not staying down! I want this too badly to give up! I am standing back up.

And by letting myself get derailed by someone like her is giving her a lot of control over my life, now isn't it? And we all know, the only person that has control over my life is ME!!!! NO ONE ELSE!

VICTORY HAS PREVAILED TODAY!