BE STRONG!!!

Be Strong, Be Strong, Be Strong! That is my mantra for today. This morning I walked into work and there were BAGELS and cream cheese in the breakroom. Although I have already eaten my breakfast this morning, I immediately thought, "Yum Bagels, I wonder what kind are in that bag...Maybe an everything?" And then I immediately got a hold of myself and thought, "What are you doing? Why is it the moment you see food, right away you feel the need to partake and any thoughts of a healthy eating regime are completely forgotten. It scares me that my thought pattern wasn't more along the lines of; "Oh Bagels, they look good, but since I already ate this morning and I am trying to lose weight, I won't have any." It scares me that I have such a one track mind.

The good news is, I didn't eat any. I got my coffee and water and I promptly left, but of course not before I peered into the bag to see what was in there and then from the outside of the bad, I grabbed a bagel to squeeze to see how soft it was (I grabbed through the bag so I wouldn't touch the bagels with my fingers). They were so soft and I wanted one so bad, but I did resist. That I am glad for.

I seriously thought about having one but then I did finally remember that I am so unhappy in this body and I really want to make a change. I want to go back to being fit and athletic, I remember so vividly how good it felt to be thin and in shape. I want that back and I know I can do it. I feel so bad about myself and so insecure about how I look. I know people judge me. Especially at work, I know people look down on me. I know they don't value me or my work, they just see me as the fat girl and there are so many stereo types that go along with being fat, like that we are stupid, lazy, and smelly. I am none of those and I don't like being judged that way, but I know then that I need to get my act together and let show on the outside the girl I really am on the inside. It's a shame that people have to be so cruel and judgmental.


But all that really matters is I did not give in to temptation. I was successful in that. Each success along the way, no matter how small, is a victory. Little by little I will get there. I know I can do this and I WILL!!